What separates a leader who gets things done from one who simply holds a title? Research into public administration and leadership points again and again to a small set of characteristics — and civility, in one form or another, runs through most of them.
Three traits worth naming
- They listen before they respond. Not as a courtesy, but as data collection — understanding what is actually driving someone’s position before arguing against it.
- They separate the person from the position. A civil leader can tell a colleague their idea won’t work without telling them they don’t matter.
- They treat “reasonable” as a shared standard, not a personal preference. They ask what a fair-minded observer would consider reasonable, rather than what is simply convenient for them.
- They have a Mission Vision.
- They encourage followers to carefully think for themselves in how to implement the organization’s mission
- They are good models of what they want to see in others
- They account for individual differences
- They provide followers with the resources to implement expectations
- They expect reasonable participation to make the organization successful
- They support a system that rewards beneficial behavior
None of these traits require agreement. They require respect — the working assumption that the person across the table is operating in good faith until proven otherwise. That assumption alone changes how a conversation unfolds, and how likely it is to end in a workable solution rather than a stalemate.